Wicked, Yet a Dream

I need to give a disclaimer or an apology to anyone whom the following poem may offend.  Please know it’s written entirely in the context of a dream/nightmare I had last night.  The dream hit me hard and permeated my thoughts throughout my day… some of them are just that strong, you know.

Understanding Adrienne

I awoke this morning holding you responsible for my dream

T-shirt dampened, stuck to me and cold

Mirrored light shown tangled curls

Where straightened locks last laid

Now pieces of your sins, her sins and mine

You met her somewhere you had oft forbidden me to go

Where you and your guitar took center stage

Funny how I knew the scene, the smell, its wooden floors

While you thought it so clandestine and clean

You blamed it on camaraderie, your need to concentrate

But she was all the reason for your lies

I entered in and found you finding her and killing me

With every word and look you let her know

So I took raging force and launched with hatred in my bones

Picked her up and threw her like a shoe

With weights and glass and anything around that I could find

I bloodied her and held her up to you

See, she’s not so beautiful; pathetic, think this through

But you came back defending her each time

You said she held a grace which I myself would never find

So sickening it was to hear you there

That even should I eat her flesh, I would not change your mind

Now go from me, I’ve still this day to bear.

Friday: One Day Closer to Tuesday

In other news, prior to my trip to Memphis next Thursday (for an interview with a large corporation there), I will be flying to Louisville, Kentucky to interview with a digital agency there, for an account director position.  I’m finding it a bit odd that I’m being flown by two different companies for two separate interviews during the same week, but nonetheless I’m grateful for both opportunities.

I have to say that it really feels like the worst part of the job search is over.  I can only hope and pray this is actually the case, and that by the end of next week I’ll know with at least some degree of certainty what my next career move is going to be, and where my daughter and I will be living for the foreseeable future. 

This has been a strenuous, stressful venture (these last four months), and I have to say that I won’t miss bringing it to a close, but at the same time, I don’t want to be careless with my expectations.  After all, on a number of occasions during my stint on the job market I’ve figured the ride was slowing down, that the destination was nearer than it was.  All that can really be said is that I’m excited, I’m appreciative, and I’m also encouraged that I’ve been able take the necessary actions to get to this point, with some (or perhaps a lot) of help from the Greater Good.

Flying to Memphis

Next Thursday I’ve been asked to fly to Memphis to interview for a manager of interactive position with one of the most well-known and respected names in its industry, and I have to say I’m excited.  While Memphis was not an area I specifically targeted in my job search, one of their recruiters suggested I apply, and here we are.  So far I’ve interviewed with the hiring manager and the VP of design & development.  I will be meeting with the hiring manager and VPs of two of their major brands while I’m there.

While I was born in the south, I’ve never actually been to Memphis, let alone possibly contemplated moving there.  All I know is it’s bigger and warmer than Cleveland.  Two pluses so far.

The latest in the job search

I promised a more positive post today, and so here you have it.  Today I was literally cranking out as many resumes and direct outreach to potential employers as I could, each of them custom-tailored to address the recruiting company’s needs, of course.  I’m happy to report some good news I received today – no, I’m not full-time employed yet, but still, these are good things:

1. I heard back from a company looking for a contractor to do online advertising work in the Pharma industry after sending them my resume.  I have an interview scheduled with them for next Monday.

2. I heard back from a very sophisticated integrated marketing communications agency to which I must have sent my resume months ago.  They want me to interview with two of the hiring managers for the position (Digital Account Supervisor), and I’m working with them now to get that scheduled.

3. I heard back from an agency with whom I interviewed for an Account Director position earlier this week.  The hiring manager wants to move forward with the interview/qualification process, and I had to take a personality test today as a next step.  Those things are always interesting.  Sometimes there’s no clear-cut answer to the questions and you just have to hope you fit what they’re looking for – and that, you just never know.

Rejection by phone

Well, I had been waiting to hear about a Manager, Digital Marketing position I interviewed for two weeks ago, and I finally did.  Funny, I thought I gave a great interview this time, and still, they decided to not move forward to a second interview, indicating (in a very sketchy way I might add) that I wouldn’t be a good fit into their “culture.”

Now, mind you, this company is way out in the sticks in a town I can’t imagine commuting to every day, much less living in.  But, come on – “culture”?  What exactly were they looking for?  I am a seasoned digital marketing professional who’s worked for major corporations and top tier agencies.  I have, I think a “classy,” “stylish” appearance, and I present myself in a very professional manner.  I wore a jacket and dress slacks to the interview.  My hair was polished.  I was carrying a nice bag.  The best I could get out of the recruiter in terms of specific, tangible feedback was that they are looking for someone to embody their virtues as an organization, and the only thing they could come up with was “humility” and “long-term committment to their company/brands.”  OK, how do you know whether I’m humble from a 30 minute interview?  And what exactly are you judging me on to say that I wouldn’t fit into your culture.  The recruiter said, “I think they were going on their gut instincts.”  That really makes me feel like crap.  I mean – honestly.  Going with my gut instincts I thought they were behind the times in digital marketing and didn’t really know what it means to be on the leading edge of anything.  At the end of the day, I think the decision maker thought I would be a threat to his “seniority.”  I cannot be something I’m not.  And I’m not going to apologize for being strong, smart, modern and independent as a woman.  Perhaps you are looking for homely Susie Homemaker.  That my friend, I am not, on purpose, and never will be.  Oh Mr. Bigshot, who do you think you are?

Great, now on to the second date?

I thought I gave a good interview today.  I’ve thought that several times, though, since I’ve been looking for a new job.  The interviewer said she was very interested and thinks I would fit in well there, but I’ve learned not to take anything to heart – not even the good stuff.  To me it’s all inconsequential until I receive an offer letter.  Now, be grateful! You say. I am grateful that I had an interview today, whether good or bad. I am grateful that I felt like I presented myself fairly well. I will be more grateful when I get my next position, but until then, I’m trying to keep my head up any way I know how.

Oh, and one more thing.  What does it mean when the interviewer says at the end of the conversation, “Hopefully we can talk about next steps.” Or, “Hopefully I’ll see you soon.” Do they really mean hopefully, or is hopefully just another way of saying, “I’m not totally sold on you, but you may have a shot,” which is kind of like Jack Johnson’s song, “Flake,” where he says, “it seems to me that maybe, it pretty much always means ‘no’”? Ugh, I seriously hope not.

The best I can do is hope, that their “hopefullys” really mean hopefully and not doubtfully.  Have a great night all.  Hopefully I’ll have some good news tomorrow.

Afraid I’m losing ground

Here comes the diatribe tone and why I named this blog what I did.  Warning – if you don’t want to hear any negativity, best to join me tomorrow for a hopefully more uplifting post.

After so many times being interviewed, thinking “Oh, I’ve got that one,” and then – nothing, I’m both frustrated and afraid I’m losing ground.  The longer I go without finding a new position, the harder it becomes perhaps to stay connected to my field.  Sure there are thousands of articles, blogs, presentations, videos and webinars to which I can connect (and do), but it’s not possible to replace that day-in, day-out, hands-on experience of actually doing a job on a regular basis.  When I tell people how many interviews I’ve had (I think I’m up to about 10 or so since I’ve been out of work) and the fact that I’ve yet to close a deal on a job, some of them say, “You know that’s not about you, right?”  And I don’t know what to say in response.  The fact is, no, I don’t know that it’s not about me. And the longer I remain unemployed, the more I start to think – “You know, maybe it is you. Maybe everything you’re doing is all wrong. Maybe you’ll never get a job in your field again. Maybe your only option are questionable jobs and/or going back to school for some unknown training/certificate/degree.” On the other hand it baffles me that I’ve not found anything yet, given my credentials, the level of clientele I’ve serviced, the major corporations I’ve worked for and my basic knowledge and creativity when it comes to digital marketing.

So, it may be the chilly rain that is the outside condition here in Cleveland today, but I am feeling a little down and less than hopeful.  I hope I get out of it soon. Usually the best cure for low self-esteem is doing something to help others and doing something to forward my education like reading reports from thought leaders in my field.  Oh yeah, I did that yesterday.  Can’t hurt to try it again today – especially since today’s not been so great, so far.

Hoping for better sentiments tomorrow!

Futility Poem Ranked Among Top Ten on Helium

Just thought I’d share that the poem I wrote for Helium per their call for poetry/prose revolving around the word “Futility” is now ranked among the top ten entries, according to their writers/readers. There were 86 entries, and mine is ranked #8. That’s a little confidence booster right there!

The response gives me a little push to keep those creative juices flowing.

Interviews this week

Good news to start off the week.  Two new agencies in target cities outside of resident Cleveland contacted me last week and wish to interview me this week. The first is a preliminary interview with the HR director, and the second is with the VP of client services (they skipped the HR interview and wanted me to go ahead and talk with the decision maker, I think). So, at least, I am still getting response and being sought after for interviews. The object, though, is of course to secure a position, and with that I’ve been unsuccessful so far. However, I do little good to myself and others if I go into it with any sort of baggage from not having been hired up to this point. Today will be spent doing interview prep for tomorrow’s interview, research on the company, their case studies and clients, social media marketing research, technology management research and refreshing myself on several of the good reads I’ve acquired since I’ve been in the job market:

The New Rules of Marketing and PR by David Meerman Scott
Multichannel Marketing by Akin Arikan
Brand Digital by Allen Adamson
Creative Insight: The Researcher’s Art by Jeffrey F. Durgee

I’ll try to post some juicy nuggets from these texts during/following today’s interview prep.

A Great Lunch Meeting

I just finished meeting my friend Alex (whom I’ve mentioned several times already on this blog) for lunch at Bruegger’s Bagels.  Meeting her is always a treat as she’s so full of life and always is into so many creative and professional projects of her own.  It’s a wonder how she sleeps at night with everything she has cooking. I often seek her advice when I’m thinking about new creative projects or ways to enhance my job search or my career in general. That said, Alex is helping me to get a professional networking group I’ve started on LinkedIn off the ground. It’s really an untapped resource up to this point, but over the past several months, I’ve watched it grow to nearly 300 members, all of which are in the product management field.  I had been struggling with how to nurture and grow the group and make it a win-win for everyone subscribed, and after some thought and consultation, I’ve decided to, for one, use it to announce open job opportunities in product management, technology management, digital marketing, product marketing and related fields. I’ve been getting some job opps sent to me by various recruiters interested in tapping into the talent of the group’s members. So, Ive decided that once a week I’ll send out an announcement with open job opps and help to facilitate the (hopefully) successful placement of some great people in great positions.

The link to the group, Product Management Professionals, is here.