Understanding Adrienne

I awoke this morning holding you responsible for my dream

T-shirt dampened, stuck to me and cold

Mirrored light shown tangled curls

Where straightened locks last laid

Now pieces of your sins, her sins and mine

You met her somewhere you had oft forbidden me to go

Where you and your guitar took center stage

Funny how I knew the scene, the smell, its wooden floors

While you thought it so clandestine and clean

You blamed it on camaraderie, your need to concentrate

But she was all the reason for your lies

I entered in and found you finding her and killing me

With every word and look you let her know

So I took raging force and launched with hatred in my bones

Picked her up and threw her like a shoe

With weights and glass and anything around that I could find

I bloodied her and held her up to you

See, she’s not so beautiful; pathetic, think this through

But you came back defending her each time

You said she held a grace which I myself would never find

So sickening it was to hear you there

That even should I eat her flesh, I would not change your mind

Now go from me, I’ve still this day to bear.

I have to say that it really feels like the worst part of the job search is over.  I can only hope and pray this is actually the case, and that by the end of next week I’ll know with at least some degree of certainty what my next career move is going to be, and where my daughter and I will be living for the foreseeable future. 

This has been a strenuous, stressful venture (these last four months), and I have to say that I won’t miss bringing it to a close, but at the same time, I don’t want to be careless with my expectations.  After all, on a number of occasions during my stint on the job market I’ve figured the ride was slowing down, that the destination was nearer than it was.  All that can really be said is that I’m excited, I’m appreciative, and I’m also encouraged that I’ve been able take the necessary actions to get to this point, with some (or perhaps a lot) of help from the Greater Good.

While I was born in the south, I’ve never actually been to Memphis, let alone possibly contemplated moving there.  All I know is it’s bigger and warmer than Cleveland.  Two pluses so far.

1. I heard back from a company looking for a contractor to do online advertising work in the Pharma industry after sending them my resume.  I have an interview scheduled with them for next Monday.

2. I heard back from a very sophisticated integrated marketing communications agency to which I must have sent my resume months ago.  They want me to interview with two of the hiring managers for the position (Digital Account Supervisor), and I’m working with them now to get that scheduled.

3. I heard back from an agency with whom I interviewed for an Account Director position earlier this week.  The hiring manager wants to move forward with the interview/qualification process, and I had to take a personality test today as a next step.  Those things are always interesting.  Sometimes there’s no clear-cut answer to the questions and you just have to hope you fit what they’re looking for – and that, you just never know.

Now, mind you, this company is way out in the sticks in a town I can’t imagine commuting to every day, much less living in.  But, come on – “culture”?  What exactly were they looking for?  I am a seasoned digital marketing professional who’s worked for major corporations and top tier agencies.  I have, I think a “classy,” “stylish” appearance, and I present myself in a very professional manner.  I wore a jacket and dress slacks to the interview.  My hair was polished.  I was carrying a nice bag.  The best I could get out of the recruiter in terms of specific, tangible feedback was that they are looking for someone to embody their virtues as an organization, and the only thing they could come up with was “humility” and “long-term committment to their company/brands.”  OK, how do you know whether I’m humble from a 30 minute interview?  And what exactly are you judging me on to say that I wouldn’t fit into your culture.  The recruiter said, “I think they were going on their gut instincts.”  That really makes me feel like crap.  I mean – honestly.  Going with my gut instincts I thought they were behind the times in digital marketing and didn’t really know what it means to be on the leading edge of anything.  At the end of the day, I think the decision maker thought I would be a threat to his “seniority.”  I cannot be something I’m not.  And I’m not going to apologize for being strong, smart, modern and independent as a woman.  Perhaps you are looking for homely Susie Homemaker.  That my friend, I am not, on purpose, and never will be.  Oh Mr. Bigshot, who do you think you are?

Oh, and one more thing.  What does it mean when the interviewer says at the end of the conversation, “Hopefully we can talk about next steps.” Or, “Hopefully I’ll see you soon.” Do they really mean hopefully, or is hopefully just another way of saying, “I’m not totally sold on you, but you may have a shot,” which is kind of like Jack Johnson’s song, “Flake,” where he says, “it seems to me that maybe, it pretty much always means ‘no’”? Ugh, I seriously hope not.

The best I can do is hope, that their “hopefullys” really mean hopefully and not doubtfully.  Have a great night all.  Hopefully I’ll have some good news tomorrow.

After so many times being interviewed, thinking “Oh, I’ve got that one,” and then – nothing, I’m both frustrated and afraid I’m losing ground.  The longer I go without finding a new position, the harder it becomes perhaps to stay connected to my field.  Sure there are thousands of articles, blogs, presentations, videos and webinars to which I can connect (and do), but it’s not possible to replace that day-in, day-out, hands-on experience of actually doing a job on a regular basis.  When I tell people how many interviews I’ve had (I think I’m up to about 10 or so since I’ve been out of work) and the fact that I’ve yet to close a deal on a job, some of them say, “You know that’s not about you, right?”  And I don’t know what to say in response.  The fact is, no, I don’t know that it’s not about me. And the longer I remain unemployed, the more I start to think – “You know, maybe it is you. Maybe everything you’re doing is all wrong. Maybe you’ll never get a job in your field again. Maybe your only option are questionable jobs and/or going back to school for some unknown training/certificate/degree.” On the other hand it baffles me that I’ve not found anything yet, given my credentials, the level of clientele I’ve serviced, the major corporations I’ve worked for and my basic knowledge and creativity when it comes to digital marketing.

So, it may be the chilly rain that is the outside condition here in Cleveland today, but I am feeling a little down and less than hopeful.  I hope I get out of it soon. Usually the best cure for low self-esteem is doing something to help others and doing something to forward my education like reading reports from thought leaders in my field.  Oh yeah, I did that yesterday.  Can’t hurt to try it again today – especially since today’s not been so great, so far.

Hoping for better sentiments tomorrow!

The response gives me a little push to keep those creative juices flowing.

The New Rules of Marketing and PR by David Meerman Scott
Multichannel Marketing by Akin Arikan
Brand Digital by Allen Adamson
Creative Insight: The Researcher’s Art by Jeffrey F. Durgee

I’ll try to post some juicy nuggets from these texts during/following today’s interview prep.

The link to the group, Product Management Professionals, is here.